Oh my goodness, I keep forgetting how long between posts it has been. Well here goes my boy is 16 and my daughters 12 for some of you that's enough you totally understand, you get it. For those of you in the blissful phase of preteen and teen hood I am sorry there's a bumpy road ahead. I'm going to talk about the 16 year old today.
Lets start with school who knew school would be exactly the same socially as it was 30 years ago, who knew that school would demand so much from your teen that they would contemplate suicide (yup I said the "S" word). Who knew that that 16 year old friends were such total and complete assholes that one of them would tell him to "just go ahead and do it already". I can hear some of you gasping I can see some of your faces yeah that's where I was when I found out. I have never hated my son's friends so much then that day, I really had to remind myself that they are all teenage boys. Frankly, they are all stupid at that age and say stupid things that one day they may regret. So lets get to what I did, what I didn't do was ban him from being with his friends (oooh that was hard). I got him some support, he sees a Counselor once a week. She's the person he speaks to, she's the person who isn't his mom who wants to choke that boy, that boy that he went to school with from Kindergarten. It's better for him to speak to someone other than me because I don't have a good opinion of this boy or his other friends nope not at all. Would I talk to the other mother about what her son said? I should, I know I should because I would want someone to tell me if my son did that. How do you do that? Ummm Mrs. so and so I just wanted to let you know that your son who has been friends with mine for 12 years told him to just kill himself the other day. How would you react to that call? I don't know how I would react to that call.
So yeah, I am mad, and hurt for my son and scared so scared. Here's the thing these boys are stupidly clueless about what they are doing (listen I don't think my boy's an Angel). These boys needle my son they try to get under his skin because they can and they have. They have posted sexually suggestive things on his facebook page so he is not longer friends with them on facebook. They call him stupid and tell him he is wrong about everything. That doesn't happen everyday and that's why they stay friends because they have been friends since Kindergarten and even though they are mean and cruel he still sees them as his friends.
So these boys, who think they've done nothing wrong, want to go on a road trip at the end of January (its freaking cold and snowy here at the end of January) they've only had their drivers licenses for a handful of months. The place they want to go has a big hill they have to go down on the way in and up on the way out and it is bad for icing. One of the boys going is the one with the mouth it's a 2 hour trip one way and there will be four boys in the vehicle. Hmmmm do I let him go? Can I say "no"? What are the consequences of saying "no"...well... "NO", no you are not going on a four hour trip with big mouth in a vehicle where he can continue to harass and abuse you during that period of time and no one will care. NO, you are not going to a place that has questionably bad roads with a driver who has been driving less that six months and "NO" you are not getting into a vehicle with three other boys who are all loudmouthed and rude and who think its fun to spin donuts on ice.
Am I a mean mom? Yes, I think I am. Do I care about my son? Yes, I do. I love him my heart aches with each painful step he takes into adulthood and rejoices with every successful step he takes. He's my son, he's so important in my world and he's so very important to me. I want to shroud him in cotton wool and protect him from awful things but I know that I can't do that all the time.
So I take baby steps and he's taking running steps and I am gutted each time he tells me he is scared of the future because that's not what I want for him. I want him to embrace the good things in life and throw out the crap but school hasn't changed in 30 years and kids are still cruel and mean. It's a daily adventure for me and the teen but we will survive and I will let go of my cotton and he will let go of cruel friends and we will grow in different ways. I believe in my son there's a good kid in there facing doubts and uncertainties but who is still fascinated by Star Wars and the Moon and all sorts of interesting things.
